Henri to Yvette.

650 Gen Tpt Coy
Italy

26 November 1944

I am going through a strange time. And I can’t define it. But it consists in certain apathy, a laziness of the brain, a depression of spirit, something not at all palpable, but which exists and weighs very heavily on me. I feel physically fit and I haven’t read a book in two months, think about that a bit!  I still read the newspaper, but just skim through it quickly; the news only. The commentaries don’t interest me any more.  A book? – no interest. I am working very hard but that’s not the reason.  I don’t even feel physically tired.  The fatigue or the lassitude I feel is all moral.

I think that the enthusiasm, so essential to a man in my condition, is sick, perhaps about to die.  But what is still graver is that I don’t know whether it’s a passing phase or a natural development against which nothing can be done. I hope and want with all my strength that it’s only a result of conditions and will change when they change. I have even tried to change my conditions. I can tell you now that I tried to leave my present service and join the commandos and even worse than that, but it did not succeed. They did not want people of more than 30 years. They were mistaken but it was not their mistake that made the law. And furthermore when the question was asked, to go to the Jewish Brigade or not to go, I swiftly and resolutely refused to join. But in this case, I was right, darling. I know it. My revolutionary instinct has not left me. And although I don’t know what you think about it, or what our friends think about it, I decided not to associate myself with this new chauvinist enterprise.  Now tell me, darling, what you think of my state of mind. Is it really dangerous? And how to react to it?

Have you read, Yvette, the latest speech of Stalin ♥, that of the 7^th November? It made a colossal impression on me, His clarity and simplicity, the nobility of his words, his account of the difference between Soviet patriotism and nationalism – no other world statesman could have spoken Stalin’s words.  I have never been as interested in Stalin as during this war. I watch him continuously, I study him, I think of him constantly and I consider that he personifies in himself – yes, in himself! – the most noble aspirations of humanity. And if I did not fear your laughter, I would have said the truth: more than once, while reading his speeches, I hear the leit-motifs of Beethoven’s music ringing in my ears. For Stalin loves humanity as Beethoven did. Don’t laugh too much, darling, at this comparison…because for me Beethoven himself was not an artist. He was more. He also expressed the most profound aspirations of mankind…. Oh my sweet one, how I would love now to weep on your shoulder.

[NOTE:♥ Possibly that of 6 November – celebrating the 27th anniversary of the Soviet Revolution – or perhaps one of the other, shorter Stalin speeches from around this time.]