Yvette to Henry.

8 July

Good night, my darling.

It is night. There was a great storm with much rain during the evening. The city is washed now[…] It is lovely. It would be even better if you were here with me. We would walk out tonight on the wet roads with the noise of the water running in the fields towards the ravines.[…] Instead of that you are in a great ruined city and I am in another city and we are writing to each other. What are you writing me this evening? It seems to me that as you write to me I hear the thought running through your head. It wanders over a pile of subjects and often returns to the same one. Mine also, you see.

I notice that the letters are slow to arrive from one to the other.  Letters are decidedly a rotten invention. You can’t feel in a letter, you can’t see, you can’t embrace, or caress. Words are necessary and when I have written them I know that they are not what I want; when you read them it is even worse. How could I find the words? What I ought to say to you is “I love you, I want you darling” but there are still so many things! There it goes, raining again”…[….] I am not at all melancholy and sad this evening, my Henri. What about you?  Not either. For if you were I would embrace you, I would soothe you until you were gay, as you know so well how to be. This is a night for laughter and singing. Do you want to sing me a song darling? Sing the one that goes “ tr-la la” I don’t know the words. And then sing “Sous les toits de Paris”. What a long time ago it was o the edge of the sea. It was so long ago and to me it seems like yesterday. It was hot and the two of us sat on a bench. You seemed like a very very young man. I see you smile again. You smiled at me so sweetly. And I must have seemed really stupid. And will you smile when we see each other again now, soon? For me, it is sure that I will run and embrace you as soon as I see you. You wont be angry, will you, calm and discreet man that you are? But no, my good darling, you mustn’t take me for a wife then! I will fling myself around your neck that’s for sure. And what if there are people about, it’s all the same to me.  Now I see your hands and your face. I feel them on my cheeks, between my hands. I feel the sweet shape of your body. And I pine for you darling.[…]

9 July.

Darling, I kept this letter in my bag for the whole day and was not able to put it in the post. So I will go on with it this evening. But first I wan to say that I have received your letter of the 3 July, the first that you sent me here. It was the one I waited for because it replies to my heart without replying to the letters that I have sent you from here. It replies to my letters of spring, which made a great voyage before reaching you. And I see that all my efforts were in vain. I tried not to say everything that was in my heart but you read between the lines… So in the letters that I wanted to express friendship, you read love. What made me so joyful about that was your happiness. Be happy, darling, abandon all fear of being deceived!  Yes, I love you. I have come to you. Come back wholly. Thank you.[….] I well know that you have helped me, with your thinking and you heart. You tell me that I must not be afraid to do you harm, that you are a survivor. My God, how can you say that?[….] You say also that you kick yourself for asking me if I love you. I hope that was a lie that you didn’t kick yourself. I would have it on my conscience my sweet darling. No, don’t kick yourself, you don’t want to. You are right. And I say to you: yes I love you.[…] Let us leave suffering to poets and writers. We will live close together in body and soul with the fruits of our love. We will have a small, tidy house with – since you have long wanted it – an old lantern in a corner of the wall above our large divan. And curtains on the windows. We will have two armchairs near a low table with ask trays and a pretty quiet room for the babies. And another for the big boy. We will feel our love in every corner of the house, both as quiet and peaceful. And the two of us. If possible, I won’t work. I feel an urge to be a housewife – so what? We will be together and everything else will be a metaphor of our love. Our night will be long and excellent. I think of that joy. We will sleep in each other’s arms [….]  Darling [….] I can already see our reunion; I see our joy, our tears of joy. For there will be tears, I feel it inside me. They are waiting to run on your shoulder. With you. [….] Have you worked out that it is five years since we walked together on the seashore? I feel those years now, I recall Ouri who was still very little. Our second child could have been 4 years old now. My god it’s frightening. But nothing has been lost. […] Tell me darling, do you want to please me? Of course you do. Forgive the question! Then see if you have a few zloty (is that what you call them?) leave your room, put your key in your pocket and look for someone in the streets of Warsaw who can take a photo. Small or large, a photo of you. And when it is done, send it to me quickly. [….]